On the Pressures of Your Twenties

by Alice Standing

Something that I recognized only recently is the intrinsic pressure of the twenties decade. Speaking to a group of girlfriends at the pub last week, one mentioned the dread they felt in turning twenty-one – concluding this was down to a mixture of wistful nostalgia for their teenage years as well as an intense sense of apprehension for the decade to come. It was this acute sense of twenties angst that got me thinking. Why does this decade arrive with untoward, and often polarizing pressures? Why is it that this decade is met with either gleeful (often exaggerated) tales of living one’s ‘best life’ or anecdotes of barely scraping through? And most importantly how, as newly 21-year-olds, how can we best navigate this murky territory?

I place the blame mostly on our elders who present this decade as either a period of thriving or mere survival. Listening to tales from my parents during their own twenties, I have gleaned stories of spontaneous travel, exciting job opportunities and immeasurable amounts of fun. I have gathered from writers such as Dolly Alderton and Cheryl Strayed that this should be a decade marked by both unrelenting hedonism, life-changing trips across countries and both volatile romantic and platonic relationships. And whilst I am a huge fan of both these authors (and my parents), I do place them as culprits in creating this sense of twenties pressure that we have to live by. Even though, I believe as young twenty-year-olds we should relish this unrestrained period of life; I have occasionally felt a degree of failure at not adhering to these standards. An example of this is my love for an occasional ‘night-in’ which usually comes with a strong sense of guilt and a heavy dose of FOMO, which I put down to this pressure. So, although I enjoy advice and tales of being twenty-something (there is something to the ‘unknown’ nature of this age that lends itself to gathering all the advice you can), I, like many others, find the idealised vision of twenties life often presented as overwhelming.

Another feature of discussion on twenties life is the negativity which is often presented by those who have somehow ‘survived’ this brutal decade. Depressing articles such as “Why your late twenties are the worst time of your life” (Harvard Business Review) and “Why navigating your 20s is hard” (Goop) are not hard to come by. Even Alderton’s book “Everything I Know About Love” holds this theme of the often-harsh realities that you come to learn during this decade. From crushing breakups to failed career prospects, many books and articles also present this time as one of uncertainty, failure and comparison – which, although it is cliché to say, is for our generation, worsened by the pressures offered by social media. This was made clear after speaking to my mum, who pointed out that she felt none the wiser to the unique pressures of twenties expectations, likely due to the lack of social media comparisons. So, it is no wonder that we are feeling a great sense of trepidation for the years to come.

And yet, from what I have observed, the reality of the twenties experience is often not as polarised as we are made to believe. It is a time when pleasure is often prioritised, however, for many, this is not the entire story of their twenties. In fact, it seems that in our generation, a more balanced approach is often favoured anyway – finally, this romanticised, indulgent portrayal of one’s twenties may be losing its grip. Regarding the more negative interpretations, although this decade will inevitably come with new challenges, after having more balanced conversations with family and friends away from the doom-and-gloom media portrayal, it seems that these twenties life lessons are both necessary and rewarding in the long run - a vital component of engaging in adulthood. So, although there is something natural in feeling apprehensive about this burgeoning decade, I feel it should be met with excitement and gratitude. Take advice and tales of this lively decade with a pinch of salt – and importantly glory in the years to come.